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Lesson #1: Don’t wait until the last minute

Lesson #2: It’s OK, even comforting, to let on that you know the end is nearing

Lesson #3: Follow the dying person’s lead

Lesson #4: Truth is good — but so is the little white lie

Lesson #5: Keep talking even if you’re not sure you’re being heard

Lesson #6: Try to stay present — don’t get ahead of yourself

Lesson #7: Trust your instincts, not “the rules”

Lesson #8: You don’t have to issue a formal farewell every time you leave the room

Lesson #9: You can speak volumes without uttering a word

Read the entire terrific article with substance and insight at http://www.caring.com/articles/how-to-say-goodbye

The four myths about how to act around someone who’s dying are:

1. Don’t cry in front of them
2. Keep the children away
3. Don’t talk about how you expect your life will change after the dying person has passed away
4. If you don’t deal with death well, it’s OK to stay away
   There’s great substance in the actual post, which you can read at http://www.caring.com/articles/dealing-with-death#ixzz1JDg9t1dG

JULIE ROVNER: This year, marks the 20th anniversary of the year Congress first passed the law requiring that Medicare patients be told of their right to exercise so-called Advanced Directives, those express what kind of care a patient does or does not want in the event they become unable to speak for themselves.

Federal law and the law in all 50 states require such directives to be followed, but that doesnt always happen, says Barbara Coombs Lee.

Ms. BARBARA COOMBS LEE (President, Compassion and Choices): There’s not only a continuing problem with providers not honoring Advanced Directives, there is an increasing problem with providers not honoring Advanced Directives.

ROVNER: Lee heads the consumer group Compassion and Choices. She’s pleased the administration is taking steps to require hospitals to honor Advanced Directives, thats because many of the people she deals with are suffering from terminal diseases.

Ms. LEE: Their worst nightmare would be to be in a prolonged, unconscious debilitated, vegetative state, like Terri Schiavo. And they want to take steps now to document in writing that they are not to be kept alive artificially.

ROVNER: But she says more and more states are passing laws like the one recently approved by the Idaho legislature. It allows a wide array of health care providers who disagree with a patient’s treatment choices, to simply decline to abide by them. And patients have no recourse, she says.

Ms. LEE: That trend is putting the balance of power about health care decision-making exactly where it does not belong, which is with providers and institutions…”

Click here to visit NPR’s website and read or listen to the whole story.

Shortlink to this story: http://affairsorganizer.com/blog/?p=91

Click here to reach Scott Hensley’s entire story on NPR.

Shortlink to this page:  http://affairsorganizer.com/blog/?p=86

(esp. for your adult children)

Nope, it’s not a pair of socks, or a shirt or that canned ham you’ve been thinking about.

Instead, get your affairs in order.  That’s it. Just take an hour or two and carefully write down what you have, where it’s located and what your wishes are.

Do it yourself or let us help http://organizemyaffairs.com/

Either way, if your affairs are in order and something happens to you, the people you care about won’t have to spend dozens or even hundreds of grief-filled hours trying to figure everything out.

That’s truly a gift that says I love you, which is probably better than one that says “Your socks are old.”

But sometimes looks can be deceiving. When is a ceramic ashtray more than a utilitarian piece of pottery? The not-so-obvious answer is if it’s stamped on the bottom with “Abingdon” or “Made in Occupied Japan.” Cha-ching!

Instead of hoping and praying that the Antiques Road Show blows through your town, why not try to evaluate them yourself? While there are books and Web sites dedicated to the classification of precious antiques and collectibles, the list below can help any neophyte determine the brummagem (collector’s term for the cheap, showy, and worthless) from the real deal.”

Read the whole article at http://www.divinecaroline.com/22155/82926-items-never-sell-yard-sale

“…Sales of caskets have been declining for years as more people choose cremation. But the economic slump is compounding the industry’s woes as those who do pick caskets buy cheaper, more spartan accommodations for the hereafter.

In response, casket makers are diversifying, building less expensive models and expanding cremation offerings …

Part of the problem is people (who don’t) want a casket burial regardless of how strong the economy is (preferring cremation instead) …

Annual U.S. casket sales peaked by volume at 1.9 million caskets in 2000, according to the Casket and Funeral Supply Association of America. Since then they have drifted down as cremations, which cost less and are gaining broader acceptance, have risen.

For the 12 months through September 2009, U.S. casket sales totaled 1.69 million, down from 1.74 million a year earlier.

The average cost of a traditional burial is $7,200, compared with $1,400 for the crematory fee, some form of memorial service and an inexpensive urn, says John Ross, executive director of the Cremation Association of North America.”

Click this link to read the full article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704511304575075811946202750.html?mod=WSJ_hp_editorsPicks

Green burials are available in nearly 30 cemeteries nationwide, up from a handful at the start of 2008, says Joe Sehee, executive director and president of the Green Burial Council, a non-profit organization that encourages environmentally”

Click here to read the whole article.

Excerpts:

“More Americans these days are scattering loved ones’ ashes widely, with great purpose and often without permission—an act known in the funeral industry as a “wildcat scattering.” It’s a reflection of both the marked rise in cremation and the growing desire by people to find their own ways to ritualize grief.”

“Scientists agree that there is no health or environmental hazard from the spread of human ashes. “It’s mineral-based and typically, with wind and rain, will melt into the soil within days,” says John Ross, executive director of the Cremation Association.

Despite this, theme parks, sports facilities and other public facilities often discourage the scattering of ashes or decline requests, though some stadiums, typically overseas, designate certain areas where it is permitted. “A stadium is for the celebration of baseball; you don’t want to think of it as a graveyard,” says Mr. Jokinen. “If someone runs a golf course, it seems unsavory to have people golfing over the remains of dead bodies. There’s a ghostly connotation.”"

Here is a link to the full article: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703422904575039280799336638.html?mod=WSJ_hps_MIDDLESecondNews

“A useful checklist of qualities to look for in high-quality child care can be found at ChildCareAware.org by clicking on “Parents,” then “Site Map,” and finally “Evaluating a Provider.”

The state-funded child-care resource and referral agency that serves your county (Riverside, Calif.) employs counselors who can answer your questions and provide free referrals to state-licensed providers near your home or work, says Jill Johnson, coordinator of the agency, part of the Children and Family Services unit at the Riverside County Office of Education. They can send you a handout about what to look for in quality child care, Ms. Johnson says. These referral agencies can be found almost anywhere in the U.S. by searching at ChildCareAware.org by ZIP Code, or by calling 800-424-2246.

Before signing up, ask to see the facility’s license and health and safety documents …   Perhaps most important, trust your instincts. Observe classrooms, and take note of whether teachers seem to really like the children; behave in a nurturing, responsive way; create a positive emotional climate; and seem willing to communicate with parents. Beyond safety and cleanliness, research shows the central element of good child care is the relationship between caregivers and each child … child-care centers in (Riverside, Calif.) are accredited for high quality by the National Association for the Education of Young Children; find them at naeyc.org.”

While I’m not one who believes the Ivy League has cornered the market on great ideas* or analysis or teaching, there are many useful resources.

*In fact, many of those who bear significant responsibility for the Great Recession of 2007+ are from the often overvalued “Ivy League”

“Lesson to billionaires: get a will. Especially if you have fathered nine children with mistresses.

That sounds blindingly obvious, of course. But a nasty estate fight breaking out in New Jersey demonstrates that even multibillionaires can sometimes neglect the most basic of wealth-management issues.”

Here are my remarks in the comments section:

Ms. Beck, you hit the nail on the head about being aware of our genetic predispositions.

I’m sorry for the loss of your great-grandmother, grandmother and mother to osteoporosis (directly or indirectly), however knowing your family medical history arms you and your health care providers with very important information about what to be especially on the lookout for, as well as preventative actions to you can take.

Here http://12criticalthings.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/08/12cr_med_hist.pdf is a free PDF for documenting and your family medical history. Share it with your family members and consider keeping a copy in your travel luggage.

-Mark Gavagan
http://12criticalthings.com/
http://www.affairsorganizer.com/

Excerpt:

“Review insurance policies. …(including) property insurance policies, which cover the cost of replacing damaged or destroyed equipment or buildings. But also consider business interruption insurance, which covers lost income in the event that your business is forced to shut down temporarily.

Develop a contingency plan. Come up with a list of backup vendors or suppliers in case your primary ones are shut down. Consider alternative work sites so that you can keep operating. Keep a list of twenty- four- hour emergency numbers for all your employees, and develop a quick and efficient way of keeping employees informed.

Back it up. Make backup copies of all critical records, such as accounting and employee data, customer lists, production formulas and inventory. Keep that information in a separate location at least fifty miles away, or subscribe to a online data backup service provider.”

The WSJ article was adapted from Colleen DeBaise’s upcoming “The Wall Street Journal. Complete Small Business Guidebook,” which I have not yet read.

Excerpts:

“One of the things that happen to us when we become overconfident is that we start to blur the line between the kinds of things that we can control and the kinds of things that we can’t.”

“Most people are inclined to use moral terms to describe overconfidence—terms like “arrogance” or “hubris.” But psychologists tend to regard overconfidence as a state as much as a trait.”

“As novices, we don’t trust our judgment. Then we have some success, and begin to feel a little surer of ourselves. Finally, we get to the top of our game and succumb to the trap of thinking that there’s nothing we can’t master. As we get older and more experienced, we overestimate the accuracy of our judgments, especially when the task before us is difficult and when we’re involved with something of great personal importance.”

When looking to understand what happened in this meltdown, also consider Joe Nocera’s “Risk Management” article in The New York Times Magazine which skewers the “Value At-Risk” method of risk management employed by most banks.

“Managing our time needs to become a ritual too. Not simply a list or a vague sense of our priorities. That’s not consistent or deliberate. It needs to be an ongoing process we follow no matter what to keep us focused on our priorities throughout the day.

I think we can do it in three steps that take less than 18 minutes over an eight-hour workday.

STEP 1 (5 Minutes) Set Plan for Day. Before turning on your computer, sit down with a blank piece of paper and decide what will make this day highly successful. What can you realistically accomplish that will further your goals and allow you to leave at the end of the day feeling like you’ve been productive and successful? Write those things down.

Now, most importantly, take your calendar and schedule those things into time slots, placing the hardest and most important items at the beginning of the day. And by the beginning of the day I mean, if possible, before even checking your email. If your entire list does not fit into your calendar, reprioritize your list. There is tremendous power in deciding when and where you are going to do something…

If you want to get something done, decide when and where you’re going to do it. Otherwise, take it off your list.

STEP 2 (1 minute every hour) Refocus. Set your watch, phone, or computer to ring every hour. When it rings, take a deep breath, look at your list and ask yourself if you spent your last hour productively. Then look at your calendar and deliberately recommit to how you are going to use the next hour. Manage your day hour by hour. Don’t let the hours manage you.

STEP 3 (5 minutes) Review. Shut off your computer and review your day. What worked? Where did you focus? Where did you get distracted? What did you learn that will help you be more productive tomorrow?

The power of rituals is their predictability. You do the same thing in the same way over and over again. And so the outcome of a ritual is predictable too. If you choose your focus deliberately and wisely and consistently remind yourself of that focus, you will stay focused. It’s simple.”

Thank you, Peter Bregman, for your great ideas!

Visit http://www.visualeconomics.com/how-the-average-us-consumer-spends-their-paycheck/ to see the full-size graphic.

“EVEN in these hard times, Peter Moloney, a funeral director, believes that people should have what they want.

lthough not all of his customers can fully express their wishes, Mr. Moloney and his brothers, who own six funeral homes on Long Island, have worked hard to arrange customized send-offs. And the touches are as varied as the customers themselves.

Bike lovers pay an extra $200 or so to take their last ride in a special hearse towed by a Harley-Davidson motorcycle. Gardeners select wildflower seed packets to include with their funeral programs. One gentleman wanted to be remembered for comforting his grandchildren with ice cream, so, after the funeral, mourners were greeted by a man in a Good Humor truck, handing out frozen treats.”

More excerpts:

• Revenue in the American funeral industry will grow 1.2 percent this year (2009), to $20.7 billion.
• A preference for cremation is already transforming the funeral industry in the United States. Cremations will account for a projected 38 percent of all deaths this year, compared with 26 percent in 2000, according to the Cremation Association of North America, an industry group based in Chicago.
• Americans may be living longer than ever, but the reality of a graying nation is stark. The annual death rate of about 2.5 million has been rising about 1 percent a year, and is expected to spike in the early 2020s as older baby boomers reach their mid-70s.
• Families are increasingly abandoning traditional religious funerals, which are typically organized by funeral directors, in favor of secular ceremonies they may arrange themselves. Natural burials, which avoid embalming and concrete burial vaults, are more commonly considered than they once were, while a minority of families are bypassing funeral homes altogether to take care of their dead themselves.

Click here to read the whole article.